I know this is a very touchy subject to talk about. Everyone has their own opinion on this, and that is our right. Before I get into my findings on this matter, I just want to say we should not judge others if we allow our children to sleep with us. I did do some research on the pros and cons of co-sleeping, and also found some tips and tricks to transition children out of family beds. Let's start with the pros.
Some of the pros of co-sleeping is your child feels warm and safe when being with a parent. Children are small, so when put in a dark room by themselves, they are going to start thinking of something or someone under their bed or in their closet. I know I did that when I was little. I would get out of my bed and check my closet and under my bed. Children also have bad dreams at night. Both my children have really bad dreams. Most of the time its about someone hurting them or a family member. So, yes, I let them sleep with me because they are crying and breathing fast, so in that moment, they need to be held to feel safe. As for infants and toddlers, co-sleeping is easier for parents to feed and change diapers if they are in the parents' room. When moms decide they are breastfeeding it's easier to have their child in their room in a bassinet or sleeping with them. I read in an article by Garden Montessori Schools, that toddlers and infants who sleep close to their parents at night help lower cortisol and grow safe attachment. Now that we talked about some pros, let's discuss the cons of co-sleeping.
The cons of co-sleeping affect the children, but not as much as it affects the parents. Let's start with the children, that's the shorter list. Having your child sleep with you all the time will hinder self-regulation. Children do need to try to calm down or figure out how to do things for themselves because one day, when they grow up, they can not rely on you. Learning independence is huge, and children need to be able to do things for themselves or be alone because if they can't, it will be tough when they become an adult. Now the effects of co-sleeping for parents are worse. We lack sleep, which leads to stress and lack of patience. We can also be tired, have low energy, experience depression, and be obese. Another bigger issue of co-sleeping is that it can interfere with the dynamic of the husband and wife relationship. I know raising children takes a lot of time and energy, but you also have to keep growing your relationship with your partner. Without each other, your children would not be here. So if you are thinking about co-sleeping, make sure both parents are on board with it does not interfere with your relationship. Before we go into how to transition our children out of our bed. Let's talk about what God says about this.
God does not forbid children from sleeping in their parents' bed. God did offer several foundational principles in the bible to guide family sleeping arrangements:
1. Marriage Bed: This is the foundation of the home. Private space reserved for husband and wife. Parents should ensure the marriage relationship remains a priority.
2. Care & Upbringing: Parents are encouraged to be a constant presence for their children. Ephesians 6:4 states that parents should raise their children in the training and instruction of the Lord, which involves building trust, safety, and emotional support.
I do have some tips on how to transition your children out of your bed when you are ready. You could start by putting a floor mattress or sleeping bag next to your bed and have your child sleep there. In two or three weeks, move the mattress or sleeping bag gradually in the direction of the child's bedroom. Another tip is to keep waking up in the night dull. Give little reassurance, supportive words like time to go back to bed. You could come up with a bedtime routine that you do consistently every night. Whether that be reading books, lying with your child until they fall asleep, or for a certain amount of minutes. You could also make sure they have a night light and play calming music while they sleep. My children and I love to listen to instructional calming music while we sleep. We also like doing kids' style guided meditation for sleep.
I honestly feel that every parent has the right to decide what is best for them on co-sleeping. Just make sure you and your partner are in agreement. Your children will eventually will sleep in their own bed. If you have any other tips and tricks on co-sleeping please leave a comment down below. Remeber positive comment only this is a no judgment zone. Until the next post all the moms out there snuggle your babies, and your doing an amazing job. God Bless!
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